Clemens framed!

It was a day of startling revelations in the Congressional hearing into performance enhancing drug use in major league baseball. Andy Pettitte’s affidavit revealed that he had conversations with Roger Clemens about Clemens’ use of HGH. Roger’s wife Debbie confirmed that she too had tried HGH and was given it by Brian McNamee.

The most startling revelations of all though came when Roger Clemens was called upon to reconcile the inconsistencies between his own denial of PED use and the stories told by former friend and trainer McNamee and former teammate and friend Pettitte.

Clemens revealed that he has an identical twin brother, named Regis, whom he met for the first time in 2004.

“He {Regis} just showed up at my door one day. We, my wife and I, were just in shock. I mean he was the spitting image of me - it was like looking in a mirror.”

The shock quickly turned to anger however as Regis began outlining a plot stretching back years, designed to discredit the superstar pitcher and destroy his reputation.

Shocking photo of Clemens’ evil twin Regis - provided by Clemens during testimony

During their first fateful meeting Regis revealed that he had always been jealous of his twin brother’s success, and felt that if he had been given the same opportunities as Roger Clemens he too would have become a rich and famous athlete.

Clemens’ twin apparently told the couple that he was “thrilled” when, in the mid 1990’s it appeared that Clemens’ career was winding down. This pleasure at the pitcher’s misfortune was short-lived however, as by mid-1998, Roger - through hard work and determination alone - had begun to valiantly fight his way back to greatness.

But in Roger�s amazing resurgence, Regis told the couple, he saw an opportunity to finally destroy his superstar brother: In mid-1998 Regis began pretending to be his identical twin brother, and approached first Jose Canseco, then Clemens’ trainer about steroids and HGH.

Clemens explained that as Regis stood there in the couple’s Texas home, he gloated about how many times he had successfully pulled off this impersonation: With Canseco, with McNamee, even with Clemens’ friend and workout partner Pettitte.

Most shockingly of all though, Regis had apparently managed to successfully fool Clemens’ own wife.

“He told us that it was in fact him that had instructed Brian to give Debbie the injection.” Clemens explained.

Said Rep. Dan Burton (R-IN) “Well I’m just glad we finally have gotten at the truth. I’m not convinced that that drug-dealer McNamee wasn’t in on it with Roger’s evil twin brother though. I think that’s where we need to point the DOJ investigation from here.”