In other Astros news, Miguel Tejada has not yet been indicted but has sucked, and Kaz Matsui still has a torn anus.
Say “HEY! Get that camera out of here!”
Okay! Raise your hands everyone who picked up Bob Howry in the final rounds of their fantasy baseball draft…
“All over the internet we were seeing Derek Jeter’s name appearing with phrases such as ‘Four rings’, ‘leadership’, ‘clutch’ and ‘317 lifetime average’ - we started seeing these groupings of words appearing millions of times over the last 2 weeks and naturally assumed it was a virus.”
“Suddenly the comments section started filling up with hundreds of people saying how Derek Jeter has four World Series rings, and how he’s a leader and he can clutch. After an hour my site wouldn’t even load anymore.”
“Johnny sets the tone - when he played like crap we all played like crap. When he was mediocre in the second half…”