Tiny Feet Save Pronger Longer Suspension

Thursday, March 20th, 2008   (6 years, 9 months ago)

What can we conclude from this? Anyone named Chris is a violent psychopath. Steer clear of them.

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The NHL has moved quickly to clarify their position on the use of skates for stomping on opponents in hockey. That position? Apparently they’re not as bothered by it as they were last year.

Chris Simon, a pioneer in the area of leg-stomping in hockey, recently expressed his displeasure at the star treatment being received by Chris Pronger. “You look at the tapes and there’s no difference. The only difference here is he’s a big star and I’m not.”

Simon received a 30 game suspension, the longest ever handed out by the NHL, for the incident last year where he stomped on the leg of Penguins winger Jarkko Ruutu. Pronger was given an 8 game suspension recently for stomping on the leg of Vancouver Canuck forward Ryan Kesler.

Responding to criticism of the light punishment received by Pronger, a spokesperson for the NHL offered “Come on - have you seen Chris Pronger’s feet? They’re… like little munchkin feet. He couldn’t possibly do any real damage to anyone with those.”

The 6′6″ Pronger does in fact have unusually small feet and wears size 8 skates. Doctors have traced this to a rare genetic condition that causes the size of a person’s feet to be inversely proportional to how big a douche bag they are.

“Chris {Pronger} has been informed that another offense of this type will mean a much longer suspension, and very possibly getting traded to the Minnesota Wild.”

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Comments on “Tiny Feet Save Pronger Longer Suspension”

  1. gen

    Ok. So I was laughing and laughing at the thought of munchkin feet - “hahaha that’s so funny and really ridiculous” - and then I found this:

    http://ultimatehockey.blogspot.com/2007/11/big-feet-small-skates.html

    Size 6!
    6!!!

Pissed? I would be too if I was a fan of Chris Pronger, you should definitely complain about it...